Spinning Plates

Lately, I’ve been spinning a lot of plates, looking high and low for those elusive answers to mental health and spirituality. I was raised Catholic and quite involved with church during high school. As is the trend for this religion, I fell off at age 18 when I started college. [Supposedly, I’m going to return […]

Time only flies when you’re wasting it.

How many hours go by while you’re Facebook-stalking people you don’t even care about? I remember writing papers late into the night, being distracted by social networking, and suddenly my paper is due in an hour! But when I really got down to the nitty-gritty of my work, time seemed to stand on my side… “Okay, I see you putting in some werk, lemme slow it down for ya.”

I’m 23 years old. I am by no means “old” and I hate when people my age called themselves that because they remember a time when technology was far less invasive, a decade where all kids/teen shows were awesome, and an era of fast food logos that can now be considered vintage. Aging is a part of life and I’ve found that when I’m actually doing things (“things” being activities that quench my passions, move me towards my goals, or fulfill life’s everyday needs), time doesn’t seem to pass as quickly.

I do feel like I started college just yesterday and before I knew it, I was graduating, starting a full-time job, and figuring out when I could adventure in between. I hope this feeling I get some days doesn’t turn into most days. And it won’t, as long as I’m doing things (“things” not associated with mindlessly refreshing social media or watching re-runs of Keeping Up with the Kardashians).

In the last two months, I’ve been on seven trips in five states. Sure, each trip was only a few days… some even just for one night. As much as I wish my travel excusions could be longer, maybe to the point of cultural immersion, I have come home fulfilled every time. Because I was doing things. I was recently in Miami for 4 days and got A LOT done with time for napping. Insane, right? Yes, fun times usually come to an end much too soon, but time well-spent leaves me feeling more complete and ready to move to the next thing.

Since I’ve just been home for two days with no plans, I’ve done absolutely nothing, except think about writing this blog and exchange messages with friends about how much I should be doing, but am not doing. It will continue in this cycle until I manage to break free, probably due to FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out.

It’s crazy how skewed my perception of time has become because of all the ways I’ve been prone to wasting it. Two hours of bowling or kayaking seem so short when I’m purchasing them, only because I can spend two hours on Pinterest. Here’s a thought: Pinterest should limit the number of things you’re allowed to pin until you’ve completed some of the projects you’ve already pinned. If only we could be motivated in such a way.

I can’t stop moments from passing, but I can make each one worth it. Even the ones I spend sleeping! What a concept.

Time can be generous, but ultimately time is indifferent. Time does not give two damns or a fuck.

-Sign, Nujabes ft. Pase Rock

Post-graduate Limbo

I’m currently in between major chapters in life, if you can call them that. I finished my undergraduate education 2 months ago and I’ve got one month until I start my internship at GQR. Remember that random job interview I spent hours blindly preparing for? I accepted the internship with hopes of transitioning into a full-time position after the 8-week program. While I am excited to embark on a new journey, I’ve been caught in a slump trying to figure out what I’m about and who matters.

Here’s what I do know: I am extremely fortunate to have a job opportunity secured before my commencement ceremonies. I have a family and boyfriend who love and support me all the way. I have everything I could possibly need and if I get my head in the game, I can set myself up for success. It’s all about my work ethic at this point… or the point where I start working anyway. I put my 8a-4p schedule into my iCal and I am making work my top priority… when I get there. I need to live frugally for a while, seeing as I don’t have a stable income yet.

Since I secured the position, I’ve been in limbo. Do I regulate my sleep schedule or enjoy sleeping past noon and staying out til the wee morning hours? Do I attempt to read up on hedge funds and investment banks or just run with it when it starts? I’ve been enjoying endless hours of sleep, adventuring to some new places, and figuring out who really matters in my life. Do I live by myself with no distractions or with a roommate to save a little money? Where do I even live? With a long distance relationship, a huge transition from school to work life, and the potential for hard-earned success at my fingertips, I’ve found it’s easy to feel alone. With a ton of free time, I find myself reflecting on friendships and wonder who will stick it out with me through this crazy time when we’re all moving fast on winding paths.

Trivial things start bothering me, such as not being personally invited to a party or having to clean up a mess that isn’t mine. But again, I am fortunate to have stupid worries like this. As my wonderful friends Matt A. and Jason Smith always preach, “Self-advocacy!” If I wanna be somewhere, I can invite myself and if something needs to get done, I better do it myself! True, this is not the be-all and end-all of life. But this is The Donnaly Natividad Show and I am the star! Those friendships I am convinced are false in my solitude are alive and well. And they two-ways streets. Just as I got caught up in graduating, finding a job, and traveling… others are doing the same thing and maybe it’s time for me to reach out. All I know is that this is a huge process, not a finite agreement between people.

In this state of limbo, I have MANY things to do.

  • Read everyday. A book, magazines, the news… everything.
  • Watch more Sons of Anarchy.
  • Work out and eat healthy for health’s sake. NOT starve myself and run constantly to fit in the smallest possible size.
  • Play with Teddy a lot.
  • Live out my ride-or-die roles and push others to do the same. Come on now, it’s me. Being my ride-or-die is fun.

This is happening.

If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.