Our Wedding Chronicles: A Question of Independence

It can be said that marriage can mean a loss of independence for two people. Finances, family, food… nothing is ever truly “mine” anymore, but “ours.” Some even think that getting married means you must “answer to somebody” or that you have someone whom you must consider in every thought, decision, and action you take. You know, the ol’ ball&chain. Relinquishing independence is not something I fear will happen with me and Ezrael. Having been in a committed long-distance relationship has allowed us to grow in ways people don’t even consider. You think you’re too busy to call your significant other once a day? Try being in two different time zones with vastly different schedules. We don’t get weekly lunches or date night on the regular so we’ve learned to cherish every moment. This is not to say every moment has been spectacular and filled with adventure. When you learn to appreciate getting upset over Sunday football or undivided attention toward Pretty Little Liars, everything in life becomes that much sweeter. Supporting each others’ interests, rather than thinking of them as a distraction from our relationship [*cough Call of Duty cough*], has been a wonderful way for us to maintain our independence and personality while growing together in love. But alas, I diverge from the real point of this post. DO I REALLY HAVE TO GIVE UP MY INDEPENDENCE IN PLANNING THIS WEDDING?! I mean, I could totally plan the wedding… I’ve got my venue down, called various vendors to get quotes, have a vision of what I want… it’s really not THAT hard for me. I did it for my debut when I was 17, with my hustler mom’s help. However, with our budget and the size of our event, all indicators point to getting partial planning of our big day. Not to mention we didn’t factor a planner into our budget… I really just wanted to say I planned everything all by myself. I guess there’s not much value in that when I step back and consider who’s bankrolling this wedding and the awesome wedding party who is already super supportive. And family and friends who will all be playing a part. If you’ve ever gone shopping with me, you would know things can get out of control, especially since I only buy things that I consider a good deal. But dang, those good deals really add up sometimes and people closest to me may not be able to talk me out of every “good deal” that comes my way. Sure, I could attempt to stick to our budget, but I’m planning my dream wedding, remember?  With Pinterest and Facebook and all of today’s goodies, it’s totally feasible to plan a dream wedding on a budget. But is it feasible for me? Probably not! The main advantages I see in hiring a planner for partial planning are 1)vendor relations–vendors have incentive to do more work for less and perform better because planners are regular customers, rather than me contacting a vendor for a one-shot event. I can stay within my budget with better quality deals. And 2) less stress. But I think I deal with stress pretty well, so that factor does not hold as much weight. Okay, fine and 3) executing my vision. I have ideas when it comes to floral arrangements and centerpieces… but I really don’t know what anything is called and if I’ll actually have time to make stuff on my own. The only negative part I see to getting a planner, besides giving up full control over my wedding (which could actually be good), is the part where it wasn’t factored into our budget. It seems rare that couples ever regret getting a planner. I already know I’ll need a day-of coordinator… so I might just resolve to take it a step further. On the flip side of independence… I am loving how much support I’m getting from everyone. Even though Ez is on the other side of the country, I am not in this alone. It’s awesome to have people in your life who care so much.

Last week, I asked Lyss to be my MOH (yes, tears were shed) and we’ve already Skyped and exchanged SO many messages about everything from colors to dresses to bridal showers. Even though she’s handling med school in the Carribean, we’ve managed to keep up-to-date with each others’ lives. In all my time with Ez, Lyss has been there and even through ALL of life’s “OMG” moments. Things are always pretty wild when we’re in it together… this wedding is about to be that much more intense!

The madness is really beginning… and this question of independence is a tricky one, but there is just SO much to be grateful for and celebrate. :)

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